Dear Annie: I’m still crazy for my college girlfriend

Dear Annie: When I was in college, I dated someone for a year. It was great, and I respected and loved her in every way.

She went on to complete her studies, and I started working. We then went our separate ways, the reason being to give her more space to study and for me to get settled in my career. When I finally felt ready to settle, I tried to contact her again. I called a number I’d saved to get in touch with her. Her sister gave me her contact details.

When I called, her husband answered. I took it like a man and moved on, I thought. I had relationships after that, but it seems I never got over it because I can’t get her out of my mind even at 57. I never got married and can’t seem to find the right person.

I know this sounds unfair, but no one else matches up to her. How do I get out of this hole? I can’t settle for a relationship just to ease the pain and loneliness. I prefer having female friends, but nothing serious until I meet Mrs. Right, I hope. I think too much about her during my alone time, which is quite frequent. I hope she’s happily married, and I don’t think I yearn to rekindle with her. Is there perhaps another deep-seated reason for my predicament? — Crazy In Love

Dear Crazy In Love: You’re dealing with unresolved feelings and idealizing a past relationship, which is quite common, especially after one as impactful as yours.

The fact that no one seems to measure up to this woman, though, indicates that you’re comparing all of your more recent relationships to an idealized version of her, rather than seeing each new person for their unique qualities, which, in turn, creates a barrier to forming new, meaningful connections.

Reflect on what you truly miss about that relationship. Is it the companionship, shared interests, or simply the way you felt about yourself at the time?

A good therapist can help you figure out why you’re holding onto this history and develop strategies to open your heart to new love. Remember, it’s about finding someone who fits with the person you are now, not who you were.