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A third of 11-year-olds and more than half of 13-year-olds in England have drunk alcohol – putting it top out of 44 countries examined in a report by global health experts. Girls were found to be more likely than boys to be drinking and getting drunk aged 15 in England, Wales and Scotland. A World Health Organisation (WHO) report said alcohol, which can damage children’s brains, has been normalised. Alison, a 51-year-old car insurance business owner from London, is a mother of two teenagers. She tells i why she allows her sons to drink from the age of 13, just as she did when growing up.
I find it hard to be too stern with my teenage sons about alcohol because some of the best times I’ve had in my life have been while drinking with friends. I want my sons to have a bit of that fun too, if they want it.
As a teenager, and also in my 20s, we had so much drunken excitement at parties, sneaking into clubs before we were legally allowed, and at each other’s houses. I definitely drank more than the now-recommended NHS allowance [no more than 14 units of alcohol a week, spread across 3 days or more], and I did a few stupid things and went too far a few times.
The 90s was a time of excessive drinking, no doubt about it. But generally I’d say that my friends and I kept it sensible enough to be safe. Yes, maybe I’d be even healthier now if I’d stayed away from the spirits and cheap wine, but the idea of going alcohol-free was an alien concept then. And – perhaps this doesn’t sound like a responsible thing to say – I’m not sure drinking as a teenager did me that much harm overall. I never went so far that I regret anything, and I am a moderate drinker now.
I think that’s partly because I was lucky not to have an addictive personality, but also because alcohol was never a mystery to me. Growing up, probably from about 10, my parents allowed me sips of their wine when I asked. The thinking was that this is what the French do, so it was chic to do it in the suburbs of London, too. They thought it was sensible to introduce children to alcohol at home, as it would make them understand their limits, and how alcohol can affect you.
I’m not sure it taught me that exactly (I still threw up plenty of times when overdoing it, and kissed men I probably shouldn’t have), but I was able to be open with my parents about when I’d had a few drinks. I didn’t try to sneak off into dodgy dark parks at night, or hide away from them, because they were fine with my friends and I have some drinks on a Friday or Saturday night in the house. As long as I did well at school, and had ambition, they were OK with us letting loose.
It’s really, really hard knowing how to parent teenagers, but with my own children – now 17 and 15 – I started giving them the odd sip of beer or wine at 13 or 14 when they were intrigued. I allowed my older son a 16th birthday gathering in our house last year and I bought some beers and one bottle of vodka for them. I made sure none of the teenagers brought their own alcohol, so I had a sense of what they were drinking. It was all fine.
I may not be approaching the issue of alcohol perfectly, and only time will tell I suppose, but I do feel that banning it, or pretending it’s not part of society, will only make my sons sneak around more. I want them to be open with me when they’ve had too much, or are hungover – just as I was open with my own parents. I don’t want it to be something off limits that they’ll go wild for the moment they’re allowed freedom, I’d rather demystify it now, and let them make mistakes while I’m around and can help them.
The older one seems pretty uninterested in booze, as he is an athlete and really into his basketball team. Quite a lot of his friends are the same, and I’m glad, of course. I don’t want a teenager who is getting drunk every weekend, but I’d also understand if he was.
We’ve never told the kids alcohol is cool, either, or encouraged them to have it, but I’m ok with them having something to drink sometimes. My husband and I drink only a couple of nights a week these days, as there’s no doubt about the fact there’s generally too much drinking in the UK. So there isn’t a huge drinking culture in the house, and we treat it more like a special, weekend thing.
I might be doing this all wrong but what made me take this approach was partly my upbringing, but also the fact that my sister and her husband have been really strict with her teenage daughter about alcohol, and has made it absolutely off-limits. I find that my niece, at 17, is more into drinking than my sons, and seems to go off and do things secretly that her parents later find out about and worry about. It could just be down to different personalities – and who knows how it’ll turn out with my boys – but I can’t help but wonder whether her drinking more, is part of a rebellion that my sons aren’t having to enact.
I absolutely know that children’s brains are precious and shouldn’t be harmed by drinking, and it’s terrible if young kids are getting hammered and it leads to problems, as these new stats show. Alcohol has done a lot of damage to UK society and I do think it’s been too normalised, and encouraged, overall.
But I also think just because a 14-year-old has had a drink, doesn’t automatically mean they’re harmed or will become a big drinker. It’s easy to get pearl-clutchy about it all, but it all depends on so many factors. I just have to hope that my sons will have a sensible relationship with alcohol in the long term. If they get a bit drunk now and then at a party, but they’re happy, healthy and thriving in school and in their social lives and aren’t sat at home on screens all day, then I’m ok with it being a part of their lives. And yes, I’m ok with buying them some beers now and then.
